No Room At The Inn

“And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.” ~Luke 2:7

2024 has been a year of transition, changes, endings and quiet. Essentially I have been hearing “no room at the inn”. What has been interesting about this is that I have been messily leaning into bringing Holy Spirit into my messy spaces. I invite God in even when I don’t feel like it. I invite God in even when I’m feeling down, even when I don’t get it and when I “feel” lonely or empty. It’s been a year of “no room at the inn” for me.

What is fascinating to me is that even though God keeps turning off the green light, I am guided and I see where I am to go. I sell my business, I end my podcast, I see less clients. You know how Matthew 6:33 says “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you”? Well, I feel like I am doing this (messily) and it’s happening. I am “trusting in the Lord with all my heart and not leaning in my own understanding. In all my ways I am submitting to him [messily] and he is making my path straight” ~Proverbs 3:5-6. As I lean into God, quiet myself a little bit, wait a bit and listen a bit, I hear His quiet voice showing me the way. I keep surrendering my business, my marriage, my children, my ministry, my everything that I can surrender. Even the things I don’t know I need to surrender I am surrendering. I tell God “I don’t know what I’m doing but I surrender what I can right now. Help me to surrender, I don’t have a clue how to do this but You do and You are God.” I am not God and I don’t know how to do this.

I feel like He’s leading me into this space where my education doesn’t matter. My mental health license (LMFT) doesn’t matter. My status doesn’t matter. It’s like nothing about me matters except that I am a child of God. Even if I try to have something matter there is a bad taste to it, if that makes sense. Like it has no substance to it. As this happens, He is showing me the way where He is.

For example, I am in chapel at my kid’s school. I was thanking God for such a wonderful community, staff and families. As I am doing this, I was sensing a room full of angels. I felt like the principal had 2 large angels on each side of her, standing very tall and proud. I could sense an apostolic mandate and gifting on her life. For children. The highest of gifting. I remember volunteering with my friend Jolene, struggling to get through helping because I am “bored” and “tired”. This is a common thing in my fleshy weakness. I told her that I don’t feel called to children’s ministry. But what I sense God on most is those who don’t have a voice. Children. Poverty. Mental health. Diversity. When I let go of everything I think I know, it makes room for God to speak. And I hear him. I see.

I was able to volunteer at my kid’s school this week and Jesus was everywhere. Even in me. It’s beautiful to let go of the business of Christmas and just be in the space you are in. To see the one in front of you. Because that’s what we each want. To be seen and known.

This summer I started a prayer play date with some friends I knew wouldn’t judge me and think I’m weird. Well, we continued meeting because they wanted to. They were hungry for the Lord. It wasn’t about me, it was about Jesus. Each and every one of us wanted more of Him. These women are each so precious and gifted and unique ways. They each are a part of the body of Christ and it’s beautiful. I can get so caught up in leading and making sure everyone is taken care of, that I don’t slow down to just be. One mom shared with me this week that even though she’s had some tough things she’s dealing with that she feels God’s presence in such an increased way, more than she ever has. Another called me to say that I can let go and that I can take up space and time myself. I don’t always have to be leading. She said I don’t have to be bigger and stronger and have all the answers. As she shared this I felt myself trust fall and weep. I let myself cry because I could just be me.

As there is no “room in the inn”, it gets rid of that what we don’t need to create space for that what and who matters: Jesus, the savior, the redeemer. See, what I’m learning is that it isn’t about the things at all. It isn’t about my kids doing well in school or hockey. It isn’t about being seen or known. It’s about where Jesus is in each and every person. In each moment. When I turn off and stop focusing on the “things” and focus on Jesus, I see more of His kingdom everywhere I go. Even where I least expect it. I honor those who I maybe don’t like very much and I love those who are unlovable. I see Jesus I the sky, in a messy home, in the news or controversial topic. He’s there. He’s everywhere. Because I surrendered what I thought I knew and know because there was no room in the inn.

I was able to volunteer at my kid’s school for Christmas. Because there was no room at the inn, there is room for children.